


we will get an "A" in lobotomy

by rainbowrabblerouser



Series: shitposting as prose [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Based on Animal House (1978), Based on a Tumblr Post, Chaos, Deaf Clint Barton, Established Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Fluff, Gay Bar, Getting Together, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Principal Nick Fury, Thor and Bruce Get Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:34:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24227443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowrabblerouser/pseuds/rainbowrabblerouser
Summary: Adelphikos Avengers Alpha (Triple A) is the most troublesome fraternity in SHIELD University.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Thor, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: shitposting as prose [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1721350
Kudos: 22





	we will get an "A" in lobotomy

**Author's Note:**

> title from this song:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LC0ac0mY4jE
> 
> -
> 
> concept based on Animal House (1978)
> 
> also based on this post: 
> 
> https://rainbowrabblerouser.tumblr.com/post/618315052495355904/theyre-the-frat-thats-always-on-secret-double

“Hi. Thor Odinson, rush chairman. Damn glad to meet you.”

He was only downstairs because Steve and Tony, suddenly taking their roles as co-presidents seriously, interrupted him as he was flirting with Bruce in their room as he got dressed in front of him and told him that he should be present at the rush since he's the rush chairman.

Bruce is following him, awkwardly shaking people’s hands, reiterating that “that was Thor Odinson, rush chairman. He was damn glad to meet you.”

He was obviously eager to continue their conversation, but like always, Steve and Tony were accidentally cockblocking him from making a move on Bruce, his roommate and best friend...who was still with his girlfriend unfortunately. But Betty and him seemed like the type who would get married and then divorce literally five years later. They were always on and off anyways.

Thor kept his fake smile up as he greeted the possible pledges and he nodded to Steve and Tony, who were still pretending that they were straight for whatever reason. Whatever. If they were going to mess up his night, he would mess up theirs by driving the random sorority girls away. They should be at their own rush parties anyway. How the hell were you going to run Greek life when you couldn’t take shit seriously?

Well, Adelphikos Avengers Alpha (Triple A) House was always on the verge of extermination, so Thor couldn’t talk. They were always drawing attention to SHIELD University for the worst reasons with the worst headlines:

_**“SHIELD-U Triple A Frat Suspended Due to Hazing Incident”** _

_**“Triple A Frat Busted for Illegal Drug Ring, Calling for Investigation of SHIELD-U”** _

_**“Property Damage Caused By Triple A Frat Costs SHIELD-U Over $420,000”** _

_**“Triple A Co-Presidents Tony Stark and Steve Rogers Caught Feeling Each Other Up in Burger King, Rush Chairman Thor Odinson Smashes Window, Former National Merit Scholar/President of SHIELD-U STEM Club Bruce Banner Terrorizes Children”** _

_**“Women in a Frat? Natasha Romanov Enters Boys’ Club, But Also Boys’ Holes?”** _

_**“Archery Champion Clint Barton Goes Missing, Coma-Ridden Body Found in Triple A House”** _

_**“How Triple-A Co-President Tony Stark Hid His Adopted Son in His Frat House For Three Semesters and Why Co-President Steve Rogers Helped Him”** _

_**“Norwegian Prince/Exchange Student Thor Odinson, Rush Chairman of Triple A, Found Necking Mystery Boyfriend in the Port-A-Potty During Hoco Football Game?”** _

The list went on. Fury would be lying if he said that he never once laughed nor framed some of his favorite headlines and displayed them on his wall.

Thor also had some of them preserved so that they were kept in mint condition. Hell, Tony had them hung up throughout the damn house as if they were trophies.

“Look who’s here. Sorry to burst your bubble, sport, you’ll get ‘em next time,” Steve’s Brooklyn accent was piercing through him as he wrapped his arms around Tony’s waist as he stood behind him. Man, did Steve love messing with Thor.

Tony put his hands on Steve’s, then snarked, “Come on, Point Break, maybe you’ll unleash the Hulk later.”

Thor stuck his tongue out at them like a little kid. Like Loki often did even though he was 16 years old. Being 23 sucks, but at least Thor had the chance to go to college in America– where dreams came true and diseases were rampant. 

“Haha, very funny, Rogers. I’ll do it when you and Stark admit to being the mother and father of Triple A,” Thor snapped back.

Steve rests his head on Tony’s shoulder, still standing behind him and holding on. “Whatever, your Highness. At least we didn’t get caught in the can about to get in the sack. Tony and I do it classy.”

Tony looks behind him and says, “Nothing says ‘classy’ like groping in the line at Burger King, Steve. But we did get #Stony trending that one time.”

Thor groans as Steve and Tony start making out and he passes through the crowd with Bruce following closely behind. He hears him groan in surprise as he spots Steve and Tony, then he links his arm in Bruce’s, pulling him close.

“Don’t want to lose you in the crowd, Bruce,” Thor whispers in his ear. “Also, I’m considering resignation because those two are getting too gross.”

“Yeah, they’re scaring the kids. All of this stress is bad for the kid,” Bruce mutters. “...Me. I’m the kid. And I’m literally the same age as you all.”

Thor chuckles at how adorable Bruce could be, wisecracking and being his dorky self. He really, really, really, really, really, really likes Bruce. There wasn’t another person Thor liked more. And he had never felt such intensity in romantic feelings for someone. 

-

Steve and Tony were watching the ROTC guys practice. Mostly focusing on their new pledge as he struggled to handle the drills. Something about Scott Lang drew them to him. Like ants to sugar cubes. He was really charming and hilarious. Like a millennial dad. He was a junior who had gone to college later in life because he was an ex-con.

Scott was getting yelled at because he had pinned on his Triple A pin onto his uniform. The Sergeant-At-Arms hated Triple A since Tony pulled the plug on Stark Industries’ business with arms dealing and then publicly announced that he would never deal with the military ever again and then Bruce tweeted a bunch of “Imma keep it real with you, U.S. Army. I’m not dying for an oil company” memes. 

“Cap, I know you think Jailbird seems like a good call, but seriously, this is getting sad,” Tony said as he set up his form, positioning his golf club and checking the wind.

Steve was behind him, holding the bag of clubs and staring out.

“I can’t believe you used to be one of those losers,” Tony jokes. “I almost wouldn’t fuck you if your hair was like that. All shaven. I like your boyish locks and your smile. Those army boys would’ve beaten it out of you. And you wouldn’t be able to beat my–”

“Tony. Focus. Please.”

“Oh, all right.” 

Steve stands behind him and puts his hands over Tony’s. He swings their arms to demonstrate how he should do it. Tony just swoons and sighs.

“You want me to focus, but you’re going all Troy Bolton on me, Rogers.”

“I appreciate that you’re using references I love.”

After a moment of watching Scott about to collapse from heat exhaustion in the tight ROTC uniform, Tony hits the ball and it flies out and hits the horse of the Sergeant-At-Arms. Steve puts an arm around Tony’s waist as they watch chaos ensue. The horse loses its shit and starts prancing around in panic. 

Scott stumbled as he dodged the horse’s kicks. Then, the sergeant got pulled by the reins across the field as the horse ran like the wind.

Tony rested his head on Steve’s shoulder and whispered, “Wanna help me with my form in our dorm?”

“I’d love to.”

-

Bruce and Betty were having problems. And it only got worse when he found out that she was screwing their chemistry department head. 

So he had gone back to the Triple A house and started drinking a fuckton of liquor. He rarely busted out the special kind that Tony had gotten him whenever he got a patent (there were dozens of them). As he lay his head on the kitchen table with his glass and a bunch of bottles surrounding him, he wished Thor was there.

“Bruce? What is going on here?”

It was Thor! Almost as if the universe was blessing him with one good thing today.

“She’s fucking our professor. I’m fucking angry.”

Thor took a seat next to him and rested his hand on his back. His warmth heated him up a little bit and he felt like there was a small light in his heart that Thor had ignited.

“I’m so sorry, Bruce.”

Bruce lifted his head to stare up at Thor with watery eyes. “Not your fault.”

Thor hums in response and rubs his back.

“I actually kind of wish it was, y’know,” Bruce muttered. “Like I had been the one to fuck it all up. It was always me who did that. So it’d be like it was on me and my feelings– so that she’d just tell me directly that she was threatened by our intimacy. Like that was what drove her away from me.”

“I...don’t understand, Bruce. Your feelings?” Thor still rubbed his back as he scooted closer. He needed to be ready in case Bruce needed a hug or passed out.

“Don’t act like you don’t realize this unspoken thing between us, Thor. Everyone knows it. I just– I can’t take holding it in anymore. Thor, I...I...I really– I can’t believe I have to say this to you,” Bruce stutters. “I have been in love with you this whole time.”

Thor doesn’t say anything. He can’t believe it.

Bruce breaks down. “And I never said anything because you never showed that you felt the same. So I kept going back to Betty because she was the safe choice. But now I realize that I was wrong! And I shouldn’t have been such a fucking coward.”

He puts his head down again and Thor wraps his arms around him, burying Bruce’s face in his neck. Thor held him close and he whispered, “You’re not a coward. You’re the bravest person I know. The toughest Avenger. You’re my Bruce. And I’ve been in love with you this whole time. I just didn’t want to scare you away.”

Bruce pulls away to look at him in disbelief. “You really mean it, Thor?”

“More than anything. I swear,” Thor stared back and softened.

Then, before he knows it, Thor feels Bruce’s hands on his shirt, pulling him in close as he kisses him roughly, desperately, longingly. Like he needed to kiss him if it was the last thing he did. Thor caresses Bruce’s neck and deepens the kiss, then they pull away after a while.

“Do you want to go up to our room?”

Bruce leaned into Thor’s touch and sighed, “Only if you carry me up there.”

Clint ignored what he saw as he passed by what appeared to be Thor carrying Bruce (wearing Thor’s huge team hoodie) in a bridal carry. He had more important matters to deal with. Like how the flying fuck he was going to raise his GPA in time for another one of Fury’s checks. 

Tony and Steve had the highest GPAs because they were actually people who could pay attention (or breeze through the content in Tony’s case) so they had the highest GPAs (even then, that wasn’t really saying much since they did the bare minimum and barely showed up to lectures nor turn in any work on time). 

Bruce didn’t talk about his grades, but apparently he could have graduated earlier, but he had stayed just for them so his whole GPA was just “incomplete” for the year. It was weird, but no one questioned it. Thor was surprisingly not that far behind Steve. Natasha was a mystery.

That left Clint as he floundered to get rid of his senioritis. He was too overwhelmed to deal with school and too tired to handle Triple A, but he was still there despite that time he quit for five minutes, then came back because he felt left out.

He searched for Natasha, wishing that he could call out to her, but it’s not like his ASL could be heard as he looked for her.

Natasha emerged from the backyard. “Clint. Here are your answers. Do not get caught,” she signed to him. Then, she handed him a folder of test papers. He jumped up in excitement and hugged her like a little kid who had just been handed a gift from the class treasure box. 

“Thank you, Nat! You’re the sister I never had. Love you so much.”

“And you’re the brother I didn’t ask for. Love you too.”

-

They’re all fucking idiots.

That was already established, but Scott felt so dumb as the seniors all pressured him into going out and hooking up with the roommate of some dead girl. He was glad that this Hope Van Dyne chick was really hot and she seemed to be a top.

As they made out in the car, the rest of the guys were fooling around in the gay club next door. It wasn’t a bad option, but it would have been better had they not upset the people who worked there since they kept requesting for only songs by Kim Petras and Charli XCX because Tony and Steve had a bet on who could get more songs played and they were both competitive bitches. 

Peter, the newest pledge, was trying to keep track as the songs changed as he sat with his friends in a booth. MJ and Ned weren’t in any Greek life, but they were friends from the STEM department so Tony let them tag along. They also loved witnessing Triple A drama up close and MJ had even begun filming a documentary about them. Ned was narrating. Peter would help with the editing and accuracy.

Steve and Tony had danced in between songs and then went right back to their competition. Thor and Bruce had been dancing and then making trips to the bar. Clint and Nat were enjoying the drag shows and cheering on, making it rain with the money Thor and Tony had given them for entertainment. 

After they all get kicked out, Scott freaks out and they kick Hope out of the car. They hop into the cars and speed out, Bruce hitting a few parked cars because he was a little nervous and very much drunk. Halfway through, they stop and Steve takes the wheel, Tony boots Thor out of the passenger side and fiddles with the radio, blasting Charli XCX. Cue the bickering and Bruce falling asleep in Thor’s lap as Nat and Clint record and livestream the whole scene. 

Scott wishes he had pledged somewhere else, but then he sees that Hope texts him, asking if he’s all right, and he takes it back.

Peter and his friends had taken an Uber home and they FaceTimed Tony to ensure that they had arrived back to campus safely. 

-

“Can you please explain this again, Tony? The kids don’t seem to get why it’s important,” Steve shoots Scott and Peter his mom glare.

“Pledges, gentlemen, Natasha, and Clint,” Tony started. Clint threw a paper airplane at him and chuckled as Steve reached over and caught it mid-air like a fucking supersoldier. “Thanks, darling...Now, we are going to hijack the parade because we just got fucking banned. We need to show Fury that we don’t give a fuck!”

The Avengers cheer and get to work.

Their float is a jet plane that has “EAT MY FIRST CLass” on the side and it absolutely destroys the entire she-bang, causing hundreds to scatter as it barrels down the street, wreaking perfect havoc. Steve and Tony hid together inside the plane as Scott navigated it through. 

Peter was swinging around on a wire from building to building and freaking out the citizens as he dressed like Moth Man and screeched, getting a Moth Man’s eye view for the documentary on his Go-Pro. Thor and Bruce had distracted the marching band by hijacking the leader and spilling marbles when the ROTC kids caught on. 

Nat and Clint made sure the other floats were sabotaged and they gave the signals for every step. By the time the whole thing is wrecked, Fury is seething in his seat and yelling as the plane crashes into the bleachers. 

Bruce and Thor kiss in the middle of the street like they were the only two people on the Earth. MJ and Ned use a drone to record a shot of the crowd running like a river parting around a rock. They had just enough footage.

“Can you give us another chance?” Steve and Tony say together as they appear from the back of the plane with their hands intertwined. 

Fury passes out, but his last words are slurred, sounding like, “You motherfu–”

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: @rainbowrabblerouser
> 
> -
> 
> yes, their superhero names are their frat nicknames
> 
> (except for Thor because his name is based on Tony's nickname for him)


End file.
